If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
