I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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