I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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