why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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