i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
