I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
