i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
