Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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