I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
