I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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