I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
