There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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