What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
