I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize