Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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