gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
