So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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