your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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