Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Boobs speak an international language.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
