I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
