it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
