so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
