I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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