I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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