My pussy is not your playground.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
