Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
