You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
