She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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