I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
