I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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