If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize