i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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