1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
