I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize