The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
