thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
