Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
