I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
