I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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