like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
