Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
