I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
