Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
