YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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