Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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