they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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