i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
