I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
