my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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