Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
