i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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