I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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