i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
