U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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