we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
