East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
