they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
