3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
