I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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