We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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