ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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