you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
