i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
