alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize