and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
