4 words: hood of his car
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
