didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
