if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
