there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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