you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
