Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
