home. puking in laundry basket.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Randomize
