I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
