i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
