He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
