don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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