Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Houston, we have a blender
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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