that's an acceptable place to lick
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
