I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize