Banned from zoo.
Again?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
